My withdrawal symptoms

So as I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I've recently cancelled my cable TV so that my family and I can be free from the temptation of giving our most precious moments together to a bunch of sitcoms...and I must say that our first weekend without cable was actually kind of difficult for me. Don't get me wrong. I loved the time that I spent with my family, but there were those hours that accumulated over the weekend after everyone else in my house had gone to bed when I usually turned on the TV. Dirty Jobs, The Office, Scrubs, LA Ink, were just some of my late night favorites. But now they're gone...

I found myself this weekend caught in those late night moments staring down at my Bible praying, "Okay, God. It's just me and Your Word here now. No one else can take my attention. Speak to me." And I wish that I could tell you that those were easy moments, but they weren't. In fact, I found myself feeling like I was dealing with the withdrawal symptoms that an addict would feel when separated from his "drug".

Eh...Hi, my name is Mark, and I'm addicted to cable television. Surprise, surprise.

So there I was sitting on my couch with my Bible in hand praying and reading.
Praying and reading...
Praying and reading...
Praying and reading...

I prayed and read every night until I was literally falling asleep, and then I went to bed. And though it was not an easy alternative to my usual late night television, I somehow sensed the approval of God flooding my soul as I spent large amounts of time with Him instead of Mike Row, Kat Von D, Dwight Shrute, or Dr. Cox. In fact, I can even tell you that I slept better this weekend than I have in a long, long time. My usual tossing-and-turning was gone. And, even if that was only for the weekend, that was greatly appreciated.

More and more, I'm beginning to feel like this is something that God has wanted for me for a long time. I can't even begin to count how many hours I've given to late night TV that I could have given to Him. I've run from the questions that have surfaced in my mind through this. Questions like:

-Where would I be in my walk with Jesus had I been doing this all along?
-What kind of worldly thinking has caused me hours and hours of restlessness?
-How could I be so foolish as to not spend the most impressionable moments of my day with Jesus?

I'm terrified of the answers to those questions. But the fact remains, I want to know Jesus. That may sound obligatory, but I don't care. I just really, really, REALLY want to know Jesus more and more. Over the past few days, I feel like God has been showing me that, while I have been progressing in my walk with Him, I've been doing it with shackles on, and maybe, just maybe, over the coming weeks and months I am going to become freed from those shackles for a few hours each night to progress and grow with Him at a much greater rate of speed. Now...I know that spiritual growth is not a race, and I know that these late night sessions with Jesus aren't going to get easier anytime soon. But, like Paul, I have become convinced of this one thing:

"...I have not yet already obtained all of this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on to the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Ph. 3:12-14

So I have an appointment with Jesus tonight...and tomorrow night...and the night after that. The appointment will begin somewhere around 11pm after Jean goes to bed. Whatever brings Him the most glory, is what I want to do. He is enough for me.

Grace and Peace