Deep thoughts after a long week in Ohio...

Ever noticed how bears and worms really have nothing in common until you put the word "gummy" in front of them?

If I ever opened a bookstore, I wouldn't tell people where the "mystery" section is. People would ask, "Excuse me, where is the mystery section?" And I would reply, "Wouldn't you like to know..." And then I would stare at them awkwardly to raise suspense.

Eating contests among my cousins are really just the beginnings of pooping contests later. And interesting enough, the winner of round one is not always the winner of round two...mind boggling, I know...

Why do restaurants put "tiny umbrellas" in smoothies? Is the probability of me meeting a tiny person who is in desperate need of a rain deflection device really all that high? And what's more, do they really think that the tiny person wants the handle of his new umbrella to come to him smelling of pineapple cream? I think not.

Have you ever noticed how the Ohio turnpike is much better maintained than the PA turnpike? I have...that's all I have to say about that.

The next time something really good happens to me I'm going to wait two weeks before I tell anybody about it. That way I'll be able to correctly use the word "fort-night" in the telling of my story. Just seeing the look on the listener's face will be worth the wait.

I'm really afraid of sharks but only when I'm in a water environment. That's pretty much the opposite of how I am with tigers, though.

Why do they include the "about the author" section in autobiographies? That's just redundant.

My pajamas have pockets in them, and I don't know why. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't find it necessary to keep spare change and such in my pants while I sleep. It did just occur to me, however, that the person who thought of putting pockets in pajamas would be a perfect match for the person who put the "about the author" section in autobiographies.

I overheard one of my in-laws say this week that, "board games are for the competive, non-athletic people of our society." I just thought I would share that with you.

Okay, that's enough for now.
ps - this is definitely going to be a better week!