Another life changed...

I received the letter below in an email yesterday. Like I said in an earlier post, this kind of thing just never gets old.

PM-

I haven't been myself recently. Or, more truthfully, I've been way myself way too much, completely abandoning the person that Jesus has been making me. I've made bad decisions, become reckless and thoughtless, disregarding the consequences that my actions would have on me or the people around me. And now I'm beginning to face those consequences: my reputation has plummetted, some people are disappointed in me, some have lost respect for me and some have left my side completely. And a lot of these reckless decisions stemmed from my being hurt a few years ago-hurt to the point of not really trusting anyone with who I am and feeling completely worthless. And just two weeks ago I began to deal with this thing. This thing that I had never actually talked to anyone about, never said out loud, because I was so afraid of the thought of it.

But I was praying with a good friend of mine that night at youth and talking to him and suddenly I had this voice saying "tell him, you can trust him with this. you need to deal with it." So I told him. And I cannot tell you the weight that lifted off my chest the minute the words were out of my mouth. I told him how, because of that, I had freaked out and ruined every relationship I'd had since then and gotten myself a really bad reputation and hurt so many people. And he told me "you may have a history that you're not so proud of, but none of us, not Mark or God or your real friends or me, none of us care. we love you."

In that moment I realized something that I should have realized a long time ago. I am not my mistakes, I am not my bad choices, I am not my history. I REFUSE to be defined by my actions. From now on, the only person who I will allow to define me is Jesus Christ and the only action that will remind me of who I am is him dying on the cross. No more regrets, no more dwelling on my screw ups. They aren't me. I'm no longer bound by the mistakes of my past and I'm no longer trapped by this thing that had me convinced that I was worthless and broken, that no one would ever want me. For the first time in a long time I've come to realize that someone does want me and that someone is the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega, and he's my abba daddy. I'm no longer crushed under the weight of my past. I am free. And I'm just really, freakin excited about it and wanted to tell you cause you've helped me through this too, whether you knew it or not and it's all just sooper awesome. thank you.

Please join me in praising God for the revival that is ongoing in our Student Ministry.

ps - the pic at the beginning of this post is the thumb prayer that we ended last night's ABS meeting with...priceless!

Grace and Peace

Maturity vs. Immaturity among believers

I was reminded this morning of a (blog) that Mark Beeson posted back around Easter. You see, occasionally, we on the Student Ministry staff have flaming arrows thrown at us by, what I would call, “the super-spiritual”. They look at some of our folks who are in their spiritual infancy and the means by which we attract them only to accuse us of not discipling these people, teaching a “soft” gospel (whatever that means), not teaching repentance, or even making a mockery of the church…It seems to me that these long-time-members of the family of God have forgotten that they were new believers walking around in spiritual diapers at one point too. I think they have also forgotten that ministry is messy and takes time. You don’t go from spiritually dead to spiritually mature over night. It is a process. In Paul’s words, it’s a race requiring discipline, training and endurance among other things. In my opinion, we are in the process of teaching these baby Christians what it means to be a follower of Christ. They are immature now. But, through the power of Jesus, they won’t stay that way!

Final thought: The sad part is that many of these people who have mis-perceptions regarding our ministry and our students have never come to hear/experience what we teach to make the accusations they do. I think they have stereotyped us based on what is out there and what they believe about other ministries in the church…that is sad…If they took the time to really check us out, I think they would find that although our methods are different, our goal is the same, connecting students with Christ.

I think I would perfer a church full of immature believers who are teachable and have a hunger for Christ rather than a church full of “mature” believing na-sayers…again, just my opinion…

Grace and Peace

Tending to my own soul

I love working in ministry. I say that with true sincerity. There's really no other job like it in the world. That being said, it is also one of the most demanding jobs in the work force...Working in ministry, you're always "on". Midnight phone calls, emergency visits, weddings, funerals, preaching, studying, praying, organizing, casting vision, endless meetings, the list goes on and on, for example...Everyone always expects you to have some insight or advice regarding even the most difficult of situations. Everyone expects you to make wise choices and be a glowing example of Christ in the world. Everyone expects you to know the "right thing to do" and be willing to do it quickly and with gladness...all the time...Truth is, ministry can be really draining. Factor in some of the "catch all" tasks that are written into most minister's job descriptions and the unreasonably high expectations that can be put on a minister's family, and what you begin to see is that, in the business of soul tending, one of the first things that gets overlooked is the concept of a minister tending to his own soul. Ask anyone who's ever served in vocational ministry, and I guarantee that they will agree with me.

Because of this, I make it a point to give my faith walk regular "check ups". What I mean by that is two or three times a year I give myself a sort of spiritual "physical" to make sure that I'm not retarding my own growth in Christ by spending so much time pouring in to others. I do this by wrestling with a few hard-hitting questions. These questions:

1) What am I praying about lately?
I ask myself this question because the heart of the matter is not whether or not I pray...I'm certainly praying, but where I cut corners can sometimes be identified in what I actually pray about. Asking myself this question, I've learned that it's incredibly important to be intentional about approaching my prayer times with the integrity that is needed to stay committed to praying over the items that I should be holding before the Lord. Asking myself this question, I wrestle with things like: Are my prayers "me" centered, or are they "God" centered? Am I actually praying for the people for whom I have told I will pray? Are my prayers the product of mindless habit, or are my prayers "real" conversations between God and His beloved disciple who is passionately engaged in dialog with Him?

This question reveals so much about my motives to me. It is a true assessment of the heart.

2) What am I learning from my Bible study lately?
By asking myself this question, I am easily able to assess whether or not the time that I spend in study and teaching is being personally and spiritually profitable. That being said, you should know that I am a firm believer that the Bible wasn't intended to be read as much as it was intended to be studied and applied to one's life. Many people are impressed by learning that you have read the Bible cover to cover, but, frankly, I'm not. In fact, I wouldn't be impressed to learn that you've read the Bible from cover to cover a hundred times if you can't tell me what you got out of it. The reason for that is simply that I've read many books that I didn't get anything out of. And what's more is the fact that I have read the Bible from cover to cover many times, and the familiarity of the text can sometimes lull me into an unintended, subconscious lack of focus on receiving fresh insight from the Word of God. Therefore, I have to purposefully put effort into seeking God's Truth every time I read scripture. Simply put, I never want to stop growing in the Word. Not even for a season...

3) What am I sharing with my accountability partner lately?
No one knows what I'm struggling with better than I do, but if my accountability partner doesn't know what I'm struggling with...well, then I'm not honoring the relationship that God has called me to keep with my accountability partner. I want to grow. I want to be the disciple that God created me to be. I want to undergo the kind of deep heart change that is required for a sinner like me to become Christ-like, and the best place for that process to be fascilitated is inside of an accountability covenant. But where I can be tempted to cheat is in remaining committed to the idea of honest, full disclosure with my accountability partner. That's because there are times when I have let my pride dictate what I'm going to share, and what I'm not going to share, with my accountability partner. I've learned from this that my relationship with Christ suffers when I let my pride get in the way, so I put my best effort into handling my accountability time with integrity.

Here me on this...full disclosure with your accountability partner may be humiliating on the short term...but dishonest disclosure with your accountability partner will be devastating over the long term.

4) How am I loving God and loving others lately?
I'm just going to come right out and say it. Loving God well is not something that comes natural to me, and loving others well is something that comes even less natural to me. Keeping that in mind, I want to make sure that "I'm smoking what I'm selling". I want to walk the walk and be true to the lifestyle that I teach, and that means that I have to really focus in on being a better lover for God. I used to pray that God would make my eyes open to the ways in which I could daily fulfill the two great commandments, but I've recently learned to ask Him for the courage to take action on the things that He has made me able to see. Above all else, I want to love well. Love wins, you know...and I want to be a part of that revolution.

Hopefully this has given you some new insight to learn of the process that I go through when I intentionally tend to my own soul. Perhaps it would benefit you to consider these questions yourself.

Grace and Peace

I'm addicted to changed lives

I really am. Watching Jesus gloriously ruin the destructive lifestyles of sinners like you and me simply never gets old. (Here is a testimony) of a life that Jesus is changing in a student here at Charter Oak Church. Learning of testimonies like these reminds me that far and above my own short-falls and limitations, greater than the way things may appear at a glance, and in spite of the opinions of my critics is the work of grace that Christ is doing in our midst.

Jesus once said, "My Father is always at His work to this very day, and I too am working." (John 5:17, NIV) I hope that you'll join me in rejoicing that God's work in our Student Ministry is manifesting in such amazing ways!

Grace and Peace be unto you today...

ps - in case you missed it, (here) is another powerful testimony of a changed life in our Student Ministry

Baptism video

This is from a recent batism service here at Charter Oak Church's Student Ministry.



Grace and Peace

Letter from a parent

I received a letter today from a parent of a relatively new student in our ministry. It made my day. This is the Gospel. Check it out:

PM,

I don't know what you did with my son at your retreat back in February, but the young man who came home from that retreat is not my son. Oh don't get me wrong. He looks just like my son and wears my son's clothes, but he is NOT my son. The son that I sent to Camp Allegheny back in February lacked confidence, self control, patience, and compassion. But this new boy who lives in my house is completely different. He is slow to speak. He has stopped smarting off to me and his mother. He asks us how he can pray for us, and then he actually prays for us. He comes home by his scheduled curfew. He asked us to put a filter on the internet to monitor the content that he sees on our computer. He has stopped smoking. He broke up with his girlfriend because he said that their entire relationship revolved around various types of sex. He does his chores around the house without being asked or reminded. And perhaps most shocking of all is that he gets up 30 minutes earlier every morning just to read his Bible. And when asked about his Bible reading, he says that he is reviewing what was studied in his A.B.S. group that week. Which is a good segue into the fact that this boy suddenly wants to spend all of his free time with you and your staff at Charter Oak Church.

Questions like hey dad will you drive me to Legion Keener or Westmoreland Mall are now replaced with hey dad can I go to the rush room? You should see his excitement on A.B.S. nights and Sunday nights. It's as though he can't wait to go to church. My wife and I have been absolutely stunned by this boy's behavior. We've even been stunned to the point of asking him why he has decided to make all these sudden changes, all-be-them good, we just wanted to hear it from him. To which he tearfully responds without fail "I with you am". I didn't realize that he was telling us about the difference that Christ is making in his life until I heard your "I With You Am" sermon.

PM as you know, the message of Jesus Christ can be lost particularly to young people without a shepherd to lead the way. Faith in Jesus Christ and the support of a sincere faith community have the power to conquer any obstacle. The student ministry at Charter Oak Church has obviously provided that shelter and faith building for my son, and for that my wife and I are deeply indebted to you and your staff. Last week Pastor Chris said in his presentation that Charter Oak Church's mission has something to do with transforming lives for all eternity. If that's so, then I would simply like to say that the mission is well underway for my son.

Thank you for doing what you do!

ps - If you ever find my son, you can keep him. I like this new kid a lot better!

Grace and Peace

Amber is one of my heroes

She really is. The lazer focus that she has developed for Jesus is something that has both inspired and challenged me. She wrote this in her newly created blogspot. I post it here for you because this is a beautiful picture of the kind of determination it takes to leave the world behind for the sake of the cross...

Keep up the good work, Amber. I'm so proud of you!!!

This morning Lisa and I met before school (in the parking lot, in the German) for our weekly accountability session. Bree couldn’t make it because she has been ill. Please pray for her, she has surgery on Friday and is about to enter a 6 week recovery period. Anyways, we had a very intense conversation about wrestling.

I’m not talking sweaty men in singlets… I mean the most intense type of wrestling I will ever come across.

We discussed wrestling with things that have been heavy on both of our hearts, silence and doubt. Last night was the first time that I have admitted to myself that I am struggling. I’ve tried to be strong. I really have. But I doubt. And I am so freaking tired of it. I am tired of doubting that Jesus died to save me from my sins. I am tired of doubting that He loves me. I am tired of thinking He doesn’t hear me. Why can I not just accept that I will never understand it? I will never understand His crazy love for me. Why can’t I just face the facts and realize I am here to serve Him and only Him. I want to be in crazy love with Him too. I want to have abandon, and give my life to Him. WHY DO I KEEP STANDING IN MY OWN WAY?

In many ways, I feel like a disappointment. I feel like I am letting Him down. Letting myself down. Because my heart knows and feels it. But sometimes my mind just tries to overpower my heart.

Last night after I admitted this to myself, I spent a lot of time just talking to Jesus. I’m not sure that I have accomplished much of anything, but I do know one thing. I can only go forward. I am facing it. My faith can only grow. I have chosen to admit rather than run from it. I will continue to wrestle it, perhaps for a long time. And I can assure you one thing, I may be wrestling, but I will not tire. I will not grow weary. I will not give up on my Father and return to a life without Him.

Going through the valley to get to that glorious mountain.

Grace and Peace

Because sometimes you just need a laugh

Sharing Jesus with Bob (pt. 2)

I had my first meeting with Bob today. If you don't know who Bob is, then you should read this blog before you read any further. Bob had no clue who I was or why I was there, and after studying up on Alzheimer's Disease last night I half expected that. But I was determined not to let that get in the way of discussing Christ with him. I sat down beside the easy chair in which Bob was reclining and asked him if he knew who Jesus was. It was a long 5 seconds of silence before Bob responded in a manner that let me know his memory was not as sharp as it was just yesterday. In fact, part of Bob's response was to ask me if I was Jesus...which made me smile on the inside...not because I felt particularly righteous in that moment, but rather it brought me joy because of the way I look today...picture for a moment a chubby Jesus that has his hair spiked wearing Rocket Dogs and an "American Eagle" t-shirt...now you know why I was grinning on the inside...

Anyway -

Bob and I spoke for about 20 minutes. I shared the Gospel with him. I told him that Jesus had known Bob his entire life and that they were best friends. I told him that Jesus knew that Bob wasn't going to be able to live in this world much longer and so he had been spending his time recently preparing a room for Bob in His Father's house...and I told him that he was going to love it there...I asked Bob what he thought about that, and Bob answered by smiling for the first time since my arrival and saying, "That's exciting." Before I left, I reminded Bob that Jesus loves him dearly, and I asked him if he loves Jesus. Bob said, "I surely do."

As I got in my car and drove away, I couldn't fight the tears any longer. What had occurred to me over the time that I had spent with Bob this morning was something that had affected me in a way that I wasn't expecting. Consider this...think back to the first day that you "heard" about Jesus, the first day that you invited him into your heart, the first day that amazing grace interrupted your sorrows, the first day that you were saved...now remember the peace and the joy that flooded your soul on that very first day...remember how pure and unspeakable that peace was? Well, Bob relived his first day today, and God gave me the blessing of watching it unfold. Wow...

I can't wait to share Jesus with Bob again tomorrow.
Grace and Peace

Sharing Jesus with Bob

Bob is an elderly man from my community who visited me at church the other day. I had never met Bob before our unscheduled introduction that morning, but I quickly fell in love with him. Bob is 82, frail, and suffering in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's Disease. Bob's precious little wife, Darlene drove him to church to "meet with a minister". I happen to be the only one available at the time...and so we met.

Bob and Darlene and I sat in the chapel, and I listened as the two of them explained their situation to me. It goes like this:

Bob was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease 6 years ago. He has been functioning quite well with it, all things considered, but it has recently begun to take him over. Darlene's voice quivered with what sounded to me like deep agony as she explained that in the last 8 months Bob's disease has robbed him of a lifetime of relationships and memories. And what's more is the fact that Bob knows it. Though he can't tell you his children's names or recognize their faces, Bob told me that he sees his children and is reminded of them frequently enough to realize that there are years of his life that have been deleted from his recollection. And that's when Bob said something that melted my heart...He said, "The only memories that I have left are from my wedding day and when Jesus saved me, the two most important days of my life."

Darlene went on to explain that she and Bob had been speaking with one another about those two events and how she is determined to do everything in her power to extend the life of those memories. That's when Bob spoke again saying, "Evidently I've forgotten about a lot of people, but I don't want to forget about Jesus. I don't want to live a single day having forgotten Jesus." And then he began to cry. Darlene then spoke up and said that the real purpose of visiting me was to ask me if I would consider visiting them at their house every day to share the Gospel with Bob. Bob said, "That way even if I forget, you can tell me about His cross, and I'll listen...I'll surely listen."

Needless to say, I accepted. As God is my witness, I am going to go share Jesus with Bob every day that he has left, and it will be my blessed priveledge to remind this beloved child of the King that, in Christ, there is grace enough for him.

By the way, Bob helped me remember something today...I don't want to live a single day having forgotten Jesus, either. The grass may wither and the flowers may fall and relationships may come and relationships may go, but I don't want to live a single day without Jesus. He is everything to me.

Grace and Peace

The best part about Ministry Conferences...

is making the most of your hotel comforts. "Sipping on some Pepsi...snacking on some Now and Laters..." Too funny!



Grace and Peace

"Vomit Leadership"

As I've previously posted, I will be traveling out to Saddleback Church in late May to spend some time picking the brains of their Student Ministry staff. And to prepare for this, I've been spending some time reading up on the notes that Doug Fields has shared with me from training sessions spanning the last several years of Saddleback Student Ministry staff meetings.

That being said, one particular training session caught my eye because of its colorful title, "Vomit Leadership". The concept behind Vomit Leadership is that there are things that weak leaders do that are just so shallow, self-serving, or even sinful that they make you want to vomit. This training session was used to discuss these faulty leadership techniques and the philosophies behind them. This concept comes from Matt McGill of Saddleback Church and Simply Youth Ministry. Without further rambling delay, I give you Vomit Leadership:

*Once again these are things that leaders should NEVER do...

-The goal is not to share your agenda with others but to achieve your agenda through others. Communicate, Negotiate, Interrogate with your cards held close.

-Control conversations. Lead others to the place where you want them to go, never follow. Make them say your idea in a way that they think it's their own. Ask the kinds of questions to get the answers you want.

-Flatter when it will work, which is most of the time, because people are caught up in their egos. Don't worry about it being true. If they smile you win. The motive behind that smile isn't your concern, "cause it all feels the same." Feed insecurities, they are never satisfied. Doing so increases obedience.

-When you need something, and expect resistance, press them personally. Go face to face in order to get the answer you want. The force of your presence may ruin their focus on what they feel is important. You want to cultivate a reaction, not reflection.

-When providing an alternate solution, show the benefit of the new option, even if that benefit isn't very good (especially if the benefit is very weak).

-Share only the information that will help them draw the conclusion that moves them to achieve your desires. You will keep your feelings of integrity as long as you also hold onto your self-deceptive thoughts.

-Never speak in absolutes, keep your words fuzzy, don't be specific. Predict the assumptions they will make. Arm yourself with the plausibility of denial: why speak clearly when you may have to recant? Say nothing real, so you can never be held accountable.

-At all costs, maximize your influence and minimize your accountability.

-Confidence is more convincing than sharing your fears. Since most are afraid of their own fear, they will respond better to false confidence because it strengthens the illusion that everything is under control.

-Buzzwords are better than truewords.

-Fight battles only if you'll been seen in a good light.

-Under no circumstances should you truly engage or invest deeply, if you do they will see the shallow husk of your soul, and you will have to face it yourself.

-Cast doubt, you'll catch the big fish of your desires. Cast blame, so you escape harsh judgment. Cast down, to lift yourself up high.

-Under no circumstances should you say something that will cause someone to doubt you or think negatively about you. Often this means avoiding the total truth.

-Keep all kinds of tabs on people. "All kinds" means anything you can use to leverage something you want out of them.

-Sounding good is more important than being good. Appearing generous is more important than being generous. Passion is a tool and an argument, not a calling or a conviction.

I don't know about you, but Vomit Leadership techniques seem to me to be highly destructive and born out of mistrust and personal insecurity...not to forget self serving and disrespectful. I pray that the team we are building here at Charter Oak Church is one of such a high level of love and trust that these techniques could never even become a consideration.

ps - Have I mentioned lately how much i love my staff?

Grace and Peace

Oh praise the one who paid my debt...

Random thoughts on a Thursday morning

1 - Tasty Cake chocolate covered donuts are like the breakfast of champions...at least for a fat guy like me.

2 - My cousin Cooter (affectionately known as "The Coot") is quickly becoming a celebrity among my students. Viva la Coot!

3 - I received a phone call from an old friend last night who spends more time reading the Bible than anyone else I know...they called me just to tell me, "The juice is worth the squeeze." I don't know if you believe in "prophetic word", but I do. And this one was timely and needed. God is good.

4 - Jessica Saenz's inner blackness is dark like midnight.

5 - After a day like yesterday, I'm convinced that Jeannie's boyfriend was telling the truth. She was too good for him. She would have never done that to him...but then again, I guess we all make mistakes.

6 - I spent my quiet time in Proverbs 3 today, and I noticed the word "all" a lot. "Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart...In ALL of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." "All" is hard for me, but I really want to get better at it. Please pray for me in this.

7 - Last night something really cool happened. In the middle of "CHILL" I was asked to come into the chapel and pray for a young woman who is being deployed to Iraq in coming weeks. I half-heartedly invited our students to leave their game of ultimate frisbee to come and pray with me thinking that one or two might actually come...Imagine my surprise when EVERY student dropped what they were doing to come with me to pray. Keeping in mind that half of the students who come to CHILL have no relationship with Christ, I was absolutely floored. It was a beautiful experience. I wish you could have seen the look on the lady's face when a roomful of teenagers showed up to intercede for her...Priceless!

8 - The interviews for our summer internship get underway this Sunday. We have some great candidates. This is going to be tough.

9 - My wife and I have made some changes to the way we pray for one another. It has made all the difference in the world to me. I love that woman so much!!!

10 - I got a letter from my Compassion kid yesterday. Her name is Angel Mae, and she lives in the Philippines. Her father needs a job so that the rest of her family can afford the most basic necessities of life. Will you join me in prayer for him?

Grace and Peace to you today.

Jesus' Lover

Tonight in my small group we kicked off what will be several weeks of Bible studies under the idea of becoming "Jesus' Lover". Let me first say that you shouldn't make something out of this that it isn't...we're not using the word "lover" as society might, as one with whom you might have deep romantic physical intimacy. Nor are we suggesting that Jesus ever had any "lovers" as it is implied in that context, but rather we are focusing in on the idea of loving Jesus more deeply and passionately simply for the sake of falling hopelessly in love with Him.

That may seem a little strange at first glance, but what could be better for a ministry than helping a group of its people increase their hunger for Jesus...not because of what He can do for them...but hunger for Him and His Word simply because they are so connected to him relationally, so in tune with the personhood of His divinity, and so captivated by His grace that they absolutely can't do without Him.

Putting this in a Biblical context, in Daniel 3:16-18 you see what I believe is perhaps one of the most pure acts of love for God in all of the Bible...Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego tell Nebuchadnezzer that they will not bow to an idol, and in the heat of the moment (and a fiery furnace, for that matter) they tell the king that even if God doesn't save them from certain death they will still never bow to Nebuchadnezzer's idols. This let's us know that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's acts of faithfulness were not contingent upon God working things to their favor, but rather they stood faithful, even unto death, first and foremost out of a deep love for God, Himself. Therefore, one could make the observation that there was a profound love between each one of them and God...therefore, one could make a case that, at least in the most pure of implications, they were God's lovers. Get it?

It happens several times throughout Scripture. People put the cause of Christ first in their lives simply out of a burning passionate desire to express affection to Jesus. Or what's more are the times in which people take bold risks just to get to Jesus and not for a miracle, not for a blessing, not even to hear him teach...they go to him just to lavish their affections upon Him (i.e. Luke 7:36-50).

Seriously, take 5 minutes sometime today to read Luke 7:36-50, and consider the huge risks and sacrifice that "the sinful woman" takes for the sake of expressing her love to Jesus. After you do that, ask yourself when was the last time you did something like that for the sake of loving Christ. I asked myself that question, and I wasn't satisfied with my answer.

In short, I want to love Jesus more. I want to crave Him in every way, and I want that for my students, as well. I want to let my every thought, my every word, and my every action to fall into perfect surrender to Him, and not out of the agenda that He will bless me...not even out of a sense of obligation because of all that He has done for me...no...not any more...I want to serve Him and love Him first and foremost because I've become so relationally attached to Him that I can no longer help myself...because my desire for Him and His ways has taken me over...because I simply can't stop myself from boldly and dangerously loving Him...because I've become Jesus' lover...

Grace and Peace

Lunch with Doug Fields (pt. 2)

Whoever among you has taken my request to pray over this meeting, THANK YOU! I'm pleased to report that I have already seen God answering those prayers. Today I learned that I will not only be meeting with Doug, but I found out this morning that Doug is making this a priority for me. And I will get to meet with whomever else I choose from his staff (including Kurt Johnson!)...and all for free! Please keep praying over this. This is truly a gift from God. I want to make the most of this opportunity and learn as much as possible.

Thanks!

Grace and Peace

In her own words

This is a blog post from one of the students who was present last Sunday night. I thought you might enjoy hearing about it from her perspective.

Tonight was a good night.
I laid on the floor of the church and talked to God. It felt good.

I went to youth group and we spread out in the room so that it would just be us and Jesus. Pastor Mark started to sing. I made the songs my prayers. I asked Jesus to make this a big night for he and I. So I'm singing and I'm singing and I'm praying and I'm singing. And all of a sudden, it was just like WOOSH. Jesus inhabited my body. It didn't belong to me. I wasn't me. I was filled to the brim with Jesus. It was so powerful that I couldn't breathe. No, I really could not breathe. My lungs didn't work for about 45 seconds. They just didn't work. I couldn't breathe. I started shaking everywhere. I felt like I was going to pass out. I'm really surprised I didn't. It was so powerful that I honestly thought that I might just fall over. And then it felt as though a band aid was being ripped off of my skin. Like, you know that real sharp feeling? That momentary sting? Yeah, that's what it felt like. With that pull, my walnut crumbled to pieces around where I sat. The shattered remains of it laid before me. The walnut that had held me down for so long was gone at last. I am free. And it brought the air back into my lungs. I gasped for air. I gasped and I gasped and I breathed in new air with new lungs. It was as though I was taking my very first breath. I sat there on the floor and shook and gasped and cried. No, actually I bawled. And I sat there for a while just breathing Him in. Yaweh. I stood up and took communion as a new Katie. The first thing that the new Katie tasted was a bite of Jesus. And it was so.. so good.

It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever experienced. Ever. I have never in my life felt so light and free. I am free. He has freed me from myself. My name is Jabez, but I AM NOT PAIN.


Oh praise the one who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead

An awesome night with Jesus

Last night was another huge night for our ministry. The stage was ablaze with 328 candles and every heart was on fire for Jesus. The evening was unique in that we opened both programs for all ages...only we gave the students two entirely different experiences between Revolution and Powered Up. Revolution was given to a pillow war (which was the best ever!), small groups, and then teaching from myself. And then at Powered Up we had an Adoration experience. Although I was a little reluctant about the evening at first, it all worked wonderfully. The Junior and Senior High students mingled well, and most of them stayed the entire evening.

A few of my favorite moments include:
-Watching Caleb Whitehead and Aaron Fish go at it during the pillow fight...they pounded each other, laughing the entire time!
-Finding out that Zach's Levickas' mom is "blexican". She's a black Mexican. Who knew?
-Seeing the "sisters" pillow fight...Chelsea Medic and Katie Brown took on Natalie Medic and Jen Brown. The older sisters won but not by much. ps - CHELSEA IS A BEAST WITH A PILLOW!!!
-During the small group time no one could come up with a practical definition for "humility"...talk about confirmation that we were studying the right material. They may not have been able to define it when they came, but they certainly knew it when they left.
-Hearing "Cilantro Man" say, "Parsley!?! I use parsley for toilet paper!"...the laughter echoed in the CLC.
-Watching "The Grudge Guy" staple the broken ornament back onto a dead branch on his Christmas tree...priceless...even more laughter...
-Seeing the students walk into the CLC for the Adoration portion of the evening. The looks on their faces spoke of such great expectation that it was breath-taking.
-Noticing that the girl who had given her life to Christ last weekend...remember her?...the one who had never been to church before coming to Charter Oak Church that night...well she came back last night excited for more!
-Hearing the testimony from the student that threw away his cigarettes last weekend. He told me that he hasn't smoked since, and, what's more, he hasn't even had the urge to smoke. PRAISE GOD!!!
-Hearing a testimony from a student who has been struggling with cutting say that he hasn't cut himself for two weeks! NOTE: Two weeks may not sound like much to you, but for that student who struggles every hour of every day with the urges to cut himself two weeks is huge. Student, I know you'll be reading this...I'm so proud of you!
-Seeing how the Holy Spirit used Communion last night to...well...do whatever it was that He did. It was holy, holy, holy...that's all I know to say about it. Many of the students were literally trembling as they took of the body and blood of Christ. It was one of the most intense things I've ever seen. More so than ever, I was convinced that they were "doing it in remembrance of Him". Wow...I wish you could have seen it...
-Jessica got saved last night! Hallelujah!
-Ange was reminded of why she said "yes" to Jesus.
-Receiving 131 text messages in the last 13 hours about how blown away the students are...

Needless to say, it was a good night.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. Thank you . Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Grace and Peace

Lunch with Doug Fields

In late May Pastor Dave and I will be traveling to Lake Forest, California for a ministry conference at Saddleback Church. Saddleback Church is the ministry home of many of my heroes: Rick Warren, Kurt Johnson, and Doug Fields to name a few.

So when I found out that I was definitely going I began to pray for an opportunity to meet with one of these heroes of mine, and the Lord came through bigtime! It was just confirmed to me that on May 21st I will be having lunch with Doug Fields!

Now you may have no clue who Doug is, so let me give you some perspective. In Star Wars terms, Doug Fields would be Master Yoda. In basketball terms, Doug Fields would be Michael Jordan. Seriously, the guy is the Pastor of the biggest student ministry in America. He's written some of the most important books ever written regarding youth ministry, and the whole "purpose driven" concept originally came from him...that's right..."purpose driven" started in Saddleback's Student Ministry long before Rick Warren ever wrote a book about it (little known fact).

I'm sharing this with you today because I truly see this as a blessing from God that I want to make the most of. Would you please keep this meeting in prayer? God's given me an hour with one of the greatest minds in ministry, and I want to soak up as much as I possibly can. Here are some specifics that you could pray for:

1 - that God would give me the questions to ask that I and Charter Oak Church's Student Ministry could benefit most from
2 - that the meeting would be protected from distractions or cancellation
3 - that Doug and I would both be mentally and spiritually ready to dive in to this conversation
4 - that this meeting would bring some new insight regarding ministry in general
5 - that Doug would be greatly blessed for sacrificing his time for me

Thanks so much for your prayer cover!

Grace and Peace

What a tough week

Yep, true to form...I predicted it in my last blog. This has been a tough week. The enemy is ticked off at me, and the attack is well under way. But let me just go on the record to say, "I'm doing fine." Despite the long hours, tough conversations, and high stress, Jesus' blood never fails me.

That felt really good to type, so I'm gonna type it again.
Jesus' blood never fails me!
Jesus' blood never fails me!
Jesus' blood never fails me!
Jesus' blood never fails me!
Jesus' blood never fails me!

You know, on a week like this there are a few things that I make a point of reminding myself. I've felt the leading of the Lord to share them with you here as it might help you to see my "anchors in the storm"...or at least be good therapy for me to type it out. So here goes, when I'm under the enemy's attack I make a point to regularly remind myself that:

God is in control.
There is no scheme of the enemy that confuses God. There is no attack that surprizes God. And even at the highest level of warfare, satan is at the lowest end of authority. Can I get an "amen" to that?

God is on my side.
In this epic battle between Jahweh and satan, God (Jahweh) protects His own. Oh, the enemy may come after me with plans to steal, kill, and destroy, but God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of trouble. "What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31 God is on my side!

Christ is the Victor.
The enemy may prowl around LIKE a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8), but Jesus IS the Lion. He's the Lion of the Tribe of Judah! In short, satan is a poser, a wanna-be. Even when he is at his strongest, he must bow to the divinity of Christ. The Apostle Paul put it like this, "...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven, and on earth, and UNDER THE EARTH..." (Philippians 2:10) That verse helps me to realize that the devil is nothing more than a schoolyard bully who's about to get his comeuppance. Jesus is the Victor! Hallelujah!!!

I am His beloved.
Like a husband protects his bride; like a father protects his family; like a mother-grizzly-bear will rip you to shreds if you mess with her babies, I AM HIS BELOVED. And His love for me sets me apart. And His love for me causes Him to meet my needs. And His love for me is gentle when I'm hurting, incessant when I'm straying, and ferocious when I'm in danger. Oh, if you want to pick a fight with God, then mess with one of His beloved...He simply will not stand for that.

This is not a fight against my fellow man.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) Therefore, I am called in Christ to not hold a grudge, begin to hate, or even personally engage in this battle. No...the war is Christ's to win, and "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14) Which is why He tells us, "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

I hope this helps you in your moments of attack. I'll leave you with one of my favorite verses on warfare: Isaiah 41:13

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,'Do not fear; I will help you.'"

Last night

Last night started off as any typical Sunday night would. Around 4:45 students began flooding the hallways of Charter Oak Church, and another evening of Student Ministry was upon us. First came the Junior High programming, which was awesome...We've been discussing spiritual warfare in our current teaching series, and, to get the conversation going, we've started each night with a different kind of war. Last night was a marshmallow war. I bought 1,000 marshmallows, and we had an all out free for all in the Christian Life Center. There were marshmallows EVERYWHERE! Seriously, it was so cool...next came the small group time. They were so focused in their small group discussions that I was nearly in tears. Then came the teaching time, and we laughed and laughed at one another as we focused on the concept of being "real" with God in our prayer lives. It was a good time. In fact, it was so good that I was getting really excited about the Senior High program that was about to begin.

The Senior High program began with the same marshmallow war...which was quite an experience for all as during a quick dodge I tore my pants from the zipper all the way down to my knee...seriously, I nearly "freed willy" in front of our entire Senior High group....I didn't have a second pair of pants available at the time, so let all God's people thank Him for duct tape! Anyways, after the war was over we began the praise and worship segment of the evening, and that's when things went to a whole new level. What I mean to say is that when the band finished the last song that they had planned to play, some of the students asked if we could keep singing...I felt the Lord nudging me to do it, so I continued to play. And, wow...words can't really capture what happened over the course of the next hour. In fact, I've spent the better part of this morning just trying to relive it in my head.

As I continued leading worship, students began approaching the altar and the cross on stage. Other students began to gather in groups praying and laying hands on one another. There were tears. There were shouts of praise. There was dancing. There were people just laying on their face. There were students thumbing through their Bibles. There were students gathered around the foot of the cross that was on the stage. AND THERE WAS JESUS...healing, ministering, touching, liberating, loving, saving, encouraging...it was pure; it was holy; it was beautiful, truly beautiful...

I watched as Keeks hugged the cross. And then Bree hugged and held Keeks as she hugged the cross. I watched as a new girl who was in church for the first time ever accepted Christ as her Savior...a fellow student guided her through the sinner's prayer...think about that for a minute...a fellow student guided her through the sinner's prayer...Hallelujah! I watched as one student took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and threw them in the trash. And I watched as the entire group of Senior High students endured the glorious ruining of Jesus. It was absolutely ridiculous in a very good way.

When I went home after it was over, I received 124 text messages over the next 2 hours from different students who had been there. They were expressing their awe and love for Christ. What a night...

If you were there last night, then this post has probably stirred some passion in you, and I just want to warn you to be on your guard. As we've been studying in All Out War, your enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. And you've got a HUGE bullseye on your chest right now because you are riding such a Jesus high. Get on your knees; get in the Word; get ready. Don't be surprized if this week turns sour. Just remember everything we've been discussing...cling to the cross and cling to Truth. Greater is He that is in you than he who is in the world.

Grace and Peace to you.

Have you heard of Rush of Fools?

You can check them out at www.rushoffools.com. They opened for the Newsboys last night, and I was genuinely impressed. How impressed was I?...I came home with their CD and their tshirt. Anyways...their entire 45 minute set was given to praise and worship, and it was an absolutely beautiful time before the Lord. No messing around; no rambling testimonies; no typical Christian rock show antics; just spill your guts and cry out to Jesus kind of worship. It was cleansing. It was pure. And I LOVED it! Here are the lyrics to one of their songs:

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

They're a great band. You should seriously check them out!

Newsboys Concert

Last night I took 28 of our students to RMU to see the Newsboys in concert. It was an awesome show!!! By the way, I'm pretty sure we were the coolest group there. While everyone else was content to stay in their seats, we danced and partied in the aisle...Anyways, during a latter portion of the concert, Peter Furler was sharing his story with the crowd, and he said something that really hit me. He said, "You must grab hold of the Word of God. If you don't grab hold of the Word of God, you will grab hold of something else."

I've recently been in a season of just getting back to the Word, and it's been some of the best Bible study of my life. So that quote came to me at a great time. Peter's right, you know...We all should press in and grab hold of the Word of God!!!!

What an awesome concert!!!!

Thoughts after workstudy

I have the great honor of spending a few hours a week with a student who is doing a work-study with me. We spend the bulk of our time together in Scripture wrestling with its application in our lives, and today was no different. Today's discussion was on 2 Kings 4:8-37, The Shunammite Woman. As I reflect upon that conversation with my student, I am left with one thought. This thought:

It's AMAZING grace that Jesus has for us.

It's not average grace.
It's not adequate grace
It's not even abundant grace.
It's AMAZING grace.

It's grace like a flood when all you needed was a sprinkle.
...grace like a buffet when all you needed was a snack.
...grace like an ocean when all you needed was a swimming-hole.
It's AMAZING grace.

With amazing grace, the love of Christ comes to us more affectionately than between newlyweds on their wedding night.

With amazing grace, the forgiveness of God comes more quickly than water from a fire hydrant.

With amazing grace, the treasures of life are made more available than a winning lottery ticket.

It's grace that is stupefying.
...Grace that is beyond description.
...Grace that causes the blind to see, the lame to leap, and the mute to sing.
...Grace that brings the prodigal son home and calls Lazarus out of his grave.
...Grace that puts up with Peter's denials, David's lusts, Paul's thorns, and my many, many sins.

It's AMAZING grace...how sweet the sound!

Oh, if I could just live into the love that amazing grace affords...
if I could grow into the relationship that amazing grace provides...
if I could rest in the peace that amazing grace promotes...
How amazed would I be?

I long to know...
I'll live to know...

Something's changing

Something's changing in me, and I'm pretty sure that it is God at work in me. For example, I watched an episode of MTV cribs last night that featured Russell Simmons' crib, and when he toured his bathroom he pointed out his solid gold toilet...that's right...A SOLID GOLD TOILET...When I saw it, I became instantly nauseous. He explained that he spent $250,000 dollars for his one-of-a-kind, custom-made poop chair, and as I listened to him I became painfully aware that something is changing in me. I used to watch that show and be enamoured and impressed with the plush "digs" and luxurious lifestyle that millionaires can afford. And if I'm honest with you, I'll even confess that I daydreamed about having houses and cars and wardrobes like that. But God spoke to my heart last night and let me know that he is changing something about me.

When I saw Russell's golden toilet, all I could think of was the hungry mouths that $250,000 dollars could feed, the suicidal hearts that a quarter-of-a-million dollars could put through therapy that is so desperately needed, or the clean water wells that could be built for our brothers and sisters who live in third world countries, or...well, anything...anything else under the sun...but no...Russell would rather take that money and crap on it...literally.

Let me go on record and say, in Jesus' name, I have a problem with that.

Sure, Russell, just like the rest of us, has the freedom to spend his money as he chooses, but I am realizing that this change that God is creating in me means that God is holding me to a different standard. And what hurts is the fact that, at least on a much smaller scale, I have my own "golden toilets"...And I need to get rid of them.

Please help me, Lord, to do just that. Please help us all.