Amber is one of my heroes

She really is. The lazer focus that she has developed for Jesus is something that has both inspired and challenged me. She wrote this in her newly created blogspot. I post it here for you because this is a beautiful picture of the kind of determination it takes to leave the world behind for the sake of the cross...

Keep up the good work, Amber. I'm so proud of you!!!

This morning Lisa and I met before school (in the parking lot, in the German) for our weekly accountability session. Bree couldn’t make it because she has been ill. Please pray for her, she has surgery on Friday and is about to enter a 6 week recovery period. Anyways, we had a very intense conversation about wrestling.

I’m not talking sweaty men in singlets… I mean the most intense type of wrestling I will ever come across.

We discussed wrestling with things that have been heavy on both of our hearts, silence and doubt. Last night was the first time that I have admitted to myself that I am struggling. I’ve tried to be strong. I really have. But I doubt. And I am so freaking tired of it. I am tired of doubting that Jesus died to save me from my sins. I am tired of doubting that He loves me. I am tired of thinking He doesn’t hear me. Why can I not just accept that I will never understand it? I will never understand His crazy love for me. Why can’t I just face the facts and realize I am here to serve Him and only Him. I want to be in crazy love with Him too. I want to have abandon, and give my life to Him. WHY DO I KEEP STANDING IN MY OWN WAY?

In many ways, I feel like a disappointment. I feel like I am letting Him down. Letting myself down. Because my heart knows and feels it. But sometimes my mind just tries to overpower my heart.

Last night after I admitted this to myself, I spent a lot of time just talking to Jesus. I’m not sure that I have accomplished much of anything, but I do know one thing. I can only go forward. I am facing it. My faith can only grow. I have chosen to admit rather than run from it. I will continue to wrestle it, perhaps for a long time. And I can assure you one thing, I may be wrestling, but I will not tire. I will not grow weary. I will not give up on my Father and return to a life without Him.

Going through the valley to get to that glorious mountain.

Grace and Peace